( as he came to and sat up in the bed, everything else within him started to arise and infiltrate his mind and body. ghost pains began to gnaw away at his hands and limbs, the sensation of that damn chain against his ankle still feeling fresh. memories of the blood and gore he saw were filling his mind, but as soon as maria began to talk and hold out the water to him, he calmed down enough to take the straw into his mouth. he looked pathetic and weak, clearly something brutal had happened to him and while he wasn't sure if he was alive or not—

at least this place had maria. the woman whose memory kept him going even when he sat around that dark room debating if he should just end it all.

after swallowing down a few sips, he pulled away and leaned back into the pillow silent for a moment before he began to choke up. he had wanted to live to see her again, to prove to jigsaw he had changed but now with a broken ankle and foot, full of trauma, was it worth it?

he'd have to see how maria handled all of this. )

Maria....I thought I was going to die, that I'd never see you again. Fuck I'm an idiot...

( why did he wait so long to tell her he loved her? through text of all things? if he died and things ended like that, he could never forgive himself. )

I love you so much....so much and I should have been a man and told you this in person.